Someone Needs to Say It: Happy People Suck – the Ultimate Guide to Building Your Bliss

Happy people suck. I know – I am one, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how tragically annoying we can be.

Our constant positivity is exhausting and we have a lot of vague, seemingly impractical solutions for real-world problems. You can’t survive on sunshine (although these nutjobs would argue that you can).

I wasn’t always happy. In fact, I spent a lot of my life being jealous of those shiny, happy people. Now don’t get me wrong, I wished them well – but at the same time there was this secret, bubbling undercurrent that made me say “Damn it, I want that. Why can’t I have that? What makes them so special?”

It’s okay. Admit it. 

Seeing people succeed when you think you’re failing makes you feel like shit. Deep down you know that you should be delighted for them, but at the same time it seems like a reflection on all of your shortcomings. The “you’ll never be good enough” monster appears quickly and often, and the barrage of filtered social media posts makes it difficult to discern what’s real and what’s not. Are they really that happy? Is that actually what their life looks like?

I quickly discovered that if I blamed the happy people for the fact that I was unhappy, then I didn’t have to blame me. I was a victim of circumstance. It wasn’t my fault that I kept showing up 30 minutes late for work. It wasn’t my fault that I had 7 gin and tonics at “happy” hour and puked out the window of a cab on the way home. It was their fault – the evil, evil happy people.

Let a little bit go. 

So how did I go from being miserable and anxiety-ridden to one of those annoyingly happy people? I can tell you one thing – I didn’t instantly declare “I AM HAPPY,” and solve all of the problems in my life. The path to bliss is brutal and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re full of shit.

I started by asking one simple question:  “What do I need?” 

Do I need to stay at this job?
No.
Do I need a television?
Nope.
Do I need 20 pairs of shoes?
Definitely not.
Do I need a bathtub, a bed and a car?
As it turns out, no.
By ditching everything I thought I needed I was able to free up my mind and body to explore other opportunities.

Now, I’m not telling you to get rid of all your belongings and live like a Buddhist monk. That’s ridiculous. It’s okay to enjoy nice things, and owning things that you don’t need is awesome! But, if you can give up a few of these things for a short amount of time, you can eliminate your fear of losing them. Do you want to live without a car? Probably not. Can you? Absolutely.

Instead of driving a car, I take planes. Instead of taking bubble baths I bathe in oceans, hot springs and rivers. I work from all over the world and I am barefoot more often than not.

Be selfish.

My first question yielded great results.

So I asked myself another question: “What do I want?”

When was the last time you actually considered your deepest, most compelling desires? It’s a novel idea, isn’t it? If you immediately found yourself thinking, “I want [insert object],” you’re headed in the wrong direction. I’m looking for the immaterial stuff.

My answers were pretty straightforward:
I want to make a difference.
I want to teach yoga.
I want to write.
I want to love and be loved.
I want to be near water.
I want to be somewhere warm.

What did I learn? That I wasn’t living in a place that could give me what I wanted, so I needed to start searching for one that could. I made myself uncomfortable, quit the things I hated and chased the things I love. And I was scared shitless. In fact, I still am – I’ve just gotten better at coping with it.

In the end, I reluctantly discovered that it wasn’t the wicked happy people preventing me from living my dream. It was just me, being confused, afraid, frustrated and aching for more. It was within my reach the entire time.

Am I happy yet? 

Once you cut the bullshit and demand that the world gives you what you want, are you automatically happy?

No.

Even for those of us that seem to be sparkly and sunny-side-up 24/7, fighting for happiness is a constant battle. Some days suck. Life can be cruel. But knowing that you have the tools to seek out your personal brand of happiness? Well, that’s something to smile about.

Want more Madison? Send her a message to talk shop about marketing, mobility and beyond.