travel Archives - Madison Elyse

May 30, 2018

Someone Needs to Say It: Happy People Suck – the Ultimate Guide to Building Your Bliss

Happy people suck. I know – I am one, but that doesn’t mean I don’t understand how tragically annoying we can be.

Our constant positivity is exhausting and we have a lot of vague, seemingly impractical solutions for real-world problems. You can’t survive on sunshine (although these nutjobs would argue that you can).

I wasn’t always happy. In fact, I spent a lot of my life being jealous of those shiny, happy people. Now don’t get me wrong, I wished them well – but at the same time there was this secret, bubbling undercurrent that made me say “Damn it, I want that. Why can’t I have that? What makes them so special?”

It’s okay. Admit it.

Seeing people succeed when you think you’re failing makes you feel like shit. Deep down you know that you should be delighted for them, but at the same time it seems like a reflection on all of your shortcomings. The “you’ll never be good enough” monster appears quickly and often, and the barrage of filtered social media posts makes it difficult to discern what’s real and what’s not. Are they really that happy? Is that actually what their life looks like?

I quickly discovered that if I blamed the happy people for the fact that I was unhappy, then I didn’t have to blame me. I was a victim of circumstance. It wasn’t my fault that I kept showing up 30 minutes late for work. It wasn’t my fault that I had 7 gin and tonics at “happy” hour and puked out the window of a cab on the way home. It was their fault – the evil, evil happy people.

Let a little bit go.

So how did I go from being miserable and anxiety-ridden to one of those annoyingly happy people? I can tell you one thing – I didn’t instantly declare “I AM HAPPY,” and solve all of the problems in my life. The path to bliss is brutal and if anyone tells you otherwise they’re full of shit.

I started by asking one simple question: “What do I need?”

Do I need to stay at this job?
No.
Do I need a television?
Nope.
Do I need 20 pairs of shoes?
Definitely not.
Do I need a bathtub, a bed and a car?
As it turns out, no.
By ditching everything I thought I needed I was able to free up my mind and body to explore other opportunities.

Now, I’m not telling you to get rid of all your belongings and live like a Buddhist monk. That’s ridiculous. It’s okay to enjoy nice things, and owning things that you don’t need is awesome! But, if you can give up a few of these things for a short amount of time, you can eliminate your fear of losing them. Do you want to live without a car? Probably not. Can you? Absolutely.

Instead of driving a car, I take planes. Instead of taking bubble baths I bathe in oceans, hot springs and rivers. I work from all over the world and I am barefoot more often than not.

Be selfish.

My first question yielded great results.

So I asked myself another question: “What do I want?”

When was the last time you actually considered your deepest, most compelling desires? It’s a novel idea, isn’t it? If you immediately found yourself thinking, “I want [insert object],” you’re headed in the wrong direction. I’m looking for the immaterial stuff.

My answers were pretty straightforward:
I want to make a difference.
I want to teach yoga.
I want to write.
I want to love and be loved.
I want to be near water.
I want to be somewhere warm.

What did I learn? That I wasn’t living in a place that could give me what I wanted, so I needed to start searching for one that could. I made myself uncomfortable, quit the things I hated and chased the things I love. And I was scared shitless. In fact, I still am – I’ve just gotten better at coping with it.

In the end, I reluctantly discovered that it wasn’t the wicked happy people preventing me from living my dream. It was just me, being confused, afraid, frustrated and aching for more. It was within my reach the entire time.

Am I happy yet?

Once you cut the bullshit and demand that the world gives you what you want, are you automatically happy?

No.

Even for those of us that seem to be sparkly and sunny-side-up 24/7, fighting for happiness is a constant battle. Some days suck. Life can be cruel. But knowing that you have the tools to seek out your personal brand of happiness? Well, that’s something to smile about.

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April 11, 2017

The Traveler’s Moment

Every traveler has a moment. I’ve spoken with people who have been traveling for five months, and I’ve spoken with people who have been traveling for five years. Almost all of them are able to identify the moment (or series of moments) in which they decided to trade tradition for travel. The moment where they found the courage to take the leap and embrace the unpredictability that only exploration can bring.

For some people, this moment is an almost immediate shift in thinking that occurs after a traumatic, life-changing event. For others, it’s simply acknowledging their inherent need for cultural exchange, and finding the strength to reject the societal expectations that have been sculpting their lives since birth.

I met a man who was propelled by heartbreak. After eight years, his girlfriend dumped him and left him for his best friend, leaving him to question, well… everything. He told me, “I could never get her to make me a coffee. That was her thing. For some reason, our entire relationship, she would always refuse to make me a coffee. Every time that I asked her, she would tell me to make my own coffee and walk away. Then, the day I got back from vacation, I walked into her apartment and she asked me, ‘Would you like me to make you a coffee?’ And I knew.” Within months he quit his job as an upper-level customer service manager in Italy and became the co-owner of a surf camp in Tenerife. A stack of surfboards now accompanies him on his morning commute to the ocean.

Most travelers have spent at least a little time behind a desk. Answering telephones, filling out progress reports and rejoicing in 10 fleeting days of vacation per year can actually be an important catalyst for those who finally say “I’m done.” I spoke with a Russian woman who took leave from her job in order to volunteer in Iceland. Despite staying one month in what was an empty and relatively desolate area, she came home from her first international exchange feeling as though she had finally met “people who were alive.” Determined and terrified, she returned to work and immediately tendered her resignation with the phrase “I would rather die from hunger than live in a cage.” She has been traveling for seven years.

There’s a shift that happens during the traveler’s moment. Bliss, euphoria, enlightenment – call it whatever you want. It’s mesmerizing. Suddenly and all at once, the narrow, predictable path of your life branches into countless trails of opportunity. Instead of a future built around one company, one job and one profession, you are surrounded by unburdened potential. The direction of your life is dictated by you, not by your next employee evaluation, and you have the ability to do, see and be whatever you want.

Sometimes, however, the traveler’s moment is birthed out of necessity. Those of us (myself included) who are fortunate enough to seek out travel independently reflect on our newfound lifestyle with smiles and pride, whereas others see it as a long-overdue turning point.

Five years ago, a man from Italy was laid off of his job as an architect. Soon after, he received a phone call from his mother asking him to board a plane and meet her at her sister’s home in Naples. When he arrived he learned that his aunt had been diagnosed with terminal cancer, two years prior. She survived for another 21 days. In those painful three weeks, as he helped his mother care for her ailing sister, he was struck by the painful fragility of human existence. He recalled those who had only made a brief appearance in life, and mourned the loss of the people that they could have become. In that instant, he chose to travel and consume the beautiful, fleeting moments of life as quickly as possible. As we spoke, he marveled at the time we shared together and grinned. “When again will this happen? Just now. Right now.”

It is often said that those who are traveling are searching for something. I’ve been told time and time again that traveling will be a good opportunity to “find myself” and that I’ll be sure to “find what I’m searching for.” Perhaps it’s my own naiveté and I am unknowingly on a long and desperate hunt for self-actualization or the romance of the century, but I like to think that traveling is an outcome of having already discovered what I’ve been looking for.

Photos by Jokke De Roo